


Arya Suck It Up!

by rougefox



Series: You Can't Go Home Again (For the Holidays) [4]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Family Secrets, Filthy lanuage, Hangover, Inappropriate Humor, Multi, New Year's Resolutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:19:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8840827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rougefox/pseuds/rougefox
Summary: Arya spent the night drinking, now she has to face her family at brunch.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is for all the fools out there who have said the magic words, "We probably should have stopped drinking an hour ago."

 

 _Ballroom scene, but the fire underneath._  
_Gonna eat you alive,_  
_Gonna bring you to your knees._

 

 

_-The Worst Hangover Ever, The Offspring_

 

 

 

 

“If you love me, I mean really love me, you will put me down like a lame horse right now,” Arya pleaded resting her forehead on the steering wheel.

 

 

“No.”

 

 

“Why not?” she whined turning her head and leaning her cheek on the steering wheel.

 

 

“Because I can’t afford the rent without you and don’t want to give up having a pants optional living space,” her boyfriend replied.

 

 

Gendry opened the door of the car and gave her a sympathetic look; “It’s your own fault you know.  I told you to switch to water at 3 am like a sensible drunk, but you had to go toe to toe with Mr. Iron Liver.”

 

 

“Fucking Theon,” Arya snarled, then coughed.

 

 

Gendry wrinkled his face. “Serves you right! How many of Robb’s cigarettes did you smoke last night?”

 

 

“I don’t know!” she cried before snorting and spitting out the car window.

 

 

Gendry gagged.

 

 

“Shut up you judgmental turd,” she snapped before undoing her seat belt.

 

 

Arya took stock of her appearance; she was still clad in leggings with a long shirt artfully ripped to look both sexy and nonthreateningly trashy. She could still see the streaks on her leggings where Theon had dropped his kebab in her lap when they had got into the cab at the train station. She had gleefully declared everything that touched her pants was now hers and shoved the goopy meat and toppings in her mouth as Theon tried to smack her hands away in a vain attempt to salvage his food.

 

 

She still had lettuce in her scarf and she smelled of cucumber and dill yogurt dressing.

 

 

Arya should have known better. For some reason her mother and Aunt Lysa had this tradition of having the family over for brunch on New Years day. Brunch meant 11 o’clock in the morning. The party Arya and Gendry had attended in White Harbor had finally ended at 4 in the morning. Xaro Xhoan Daxos had been spinning and Arya had proclaimed she would beat anyone with a stick who stood between her and a night of lasers, booze and 6 hours of dubstep.

 

 

Around 5:30am all of Robb’s cigarettes had been smoked, greasy alcohol negating food had been purchased, and all the selfies had been unrepentantly posted to social media. The four of them had hopped on a train they had not paid for and headed north back to the dodgy neighborhoods of Wintertown they called home.

 

 

At 8:30 am Momma Stark had called to remind them there would be dire consequences if Arya and Gendry did not come to brunch after the “hurtful nonsense” they had pulled to avoid the family dinner on Sevenmas Eve.

 

 

At 9:30 am Sansa had called to make sure they were up. They weren’t.

 

 

By 10:15 am Gendry shoved Arya away from her sleeping place by the toilet and informed her unless she wanted a front row seat for the revenge of all the Jägermeister he drank last night, she might want leave the room.

 

 

Arya managed to crawl out into the hall enough for Gendry to close the door. She stayed there long after she heard the shower going and Robb texted asking if she could drive him and Theon because he was sure they were both still drunk.

 

 

Now at 11:57 am her brother and his boy-toy were asleep in the back seat. Somehow both had managed to shower and changed their clothes but Theon still had glitter on his eye lids.

 

 

Arya retrieved her _Braavos School of the Arts_ hoodie from under Robb’s butt and managed to not knock off her sunglasses as she pulled it over her head. She opened up the glove compartment and pulled out a new air freshener.

 

 

 She pulled it out of the cellophane and rubbed it in her hair then under her arms and the inside of her thighs. She then hung it on the rear view mirror.

 

 

“Oh don’t look at me like that!” Arya snapped at the disgusted look on her boyfriend’s face. “Pine fresh is better than cigarettes and kebab sauce!”

 

 

Gendry shrugged, and then pulled his seat forward so Theon and Robb could climb out. When neither moved Arya retrieved the ice scraper from the floor and whipped their knees.

 

 

“Out of the car dildos!”

 

 

“Godsdamn it Arya!” Robb whined. Theon just shrieked and smacked her on the arm.

 

 

Somehow everyone got out of the car and found their way to the front door. Arya try to repress a burp that tasted like rum and cucumbers. Robb pulled a box of strong mints from his pocket and handed them out before they rung the door bell.

 

 

All four of them flashed their most sober smiles when Catelyn Stark opened the door. She was the picture of a domestic wife in her fancy dress covered with a frilly apron.

 

 

“So good of you to join us,” she said with annoyance bordering on anger in her eyes.

 

 

After everyone was properly hugged and jackets stowed away, Robb and Theon made a mad dash for the den and its wet bar. Gendry followed shaking his head and Arya stumbled to the bathroom.

 

 

At that moment Arya decided that the printing press, antibiotics and the computer could go fuck themselves; the most amazing invention in the whole of human existence was the padded toilet seat.

 

 

“Are you going to die?” said a judgmental voice above where she lay pillowing her head on her new best friend.

 

 

“Maybe,” Arya said truthfully to her sister.

 

 

Sansa tutted; “Arya, you need to stop acting like such a child! You shouldn’t have partied so late knowing you would have to come here this morning!”

 

 

“Shut up or I will tell mom what you were really doing during your semester abroad in Lys!” Arya snarled. “And don’t you dare judge me! I know how you and Sandor really met!”

 

 

Sansa gasped then crossed her arms.

 

 

“We met at the Northern Heritage Games where he was caber tossing!”

 

 

Arya sat back on her knees and laughed; “Bullshit. You two met-“

 

 

“Shut up! Okay, okay! I’ll cover for you!” Sansa hissed.

 

 

She took her sister’s offered hand and Sansa helped her to her feet.

 

 

“Go up to your old room, I think mom still has some of your old clothes in the back of the closet,” Sansa instructed. “If not, try my room.”

 

 

Arya chewed her lip; Sansa was still the same size she had been in high school, whereas Arya was full of rum and greasy meat making even her leggings tight around the middle.

 

 

“And for the love of the Mother, take a shower!” Sansa said before sneaking her through the dining room to the stairs. “You smell like Pine sol and yogurt sauce!”

 

 

Arya found a dress she had not worn since she secretly listened to boy bands and managed to melt most of the grime off her body in the shower.

 

 

She thought about sneaking off to take a nap in her old bed, but then she heard the tell-tale music from an animated movie that featured a princess and a talking animal voiced by a celebrity coming from the TV in Robb’s old room. There was no doubt that staying on the second floor, even with the door locked, would leave her at the mercy of the Clegane pups. She’d take her chances with her mother. 

 

 

Arya found Gendry, Robb and Theon hanging around the wet bar like a bunch of vultures who had found a dead zebra. Sandor was behind the bar making Bloody Marys.

 

 

“Hair of the dog?” he asked barely keeping the smirk off his half burned face. No doubt Robb and Theon had blabbed about their misadventures the night before.

 

 

Arya nodded and was rewarded with the most beautiful drink she had ever held. Sandor had been limiting his drinking since Catie was born, but the man could still make a Bloody Mary that tasted like salvation on Arya’s dehydrated tongue.

 

 

Theon started hacking the cough of one who smoked too much the night before. Sandor chuckled at him.

 

 

“Oh fuck off Clegane,” Theon snapped. “I remember when you used to smoke!”

 

 

“A pack a day and still managed to get up at dawn and run ten miles,” he boasted.

 

 

Robb stirred from his perch at the end of the bar; “How did you quit? And don’t say it was a New Year’s resolution, because those never last past the Superbowl.”

 

 

 “Best time of the year for the gym," Sandor laughed. "Everyone joins then stops going in February and forgets to cancel their membership till June! Easy money!”

 

 

Robb shook his head and sipped his screwdriver through a bendy straw.

 

 

“I quit when Catie was born,” Sandor finally replied. “I held her in my arms then went out for a cigar with Bronn. When I got back to your sister I realized how much I stank after a smoke and decided I didn’t want to smell like that around my kid. I haven’t had one since. “

 

 

“Except the gum.” Robb pointed out.

 

 

“Only when I have to deal with your father,” Sandor pointed out.

 

 

Gendry piped up; “We should all make resolutions we know we can keep just for today.”

 

 

They all stared at him like he just suggested they go skinny dipping in her parent's pool.

 

 

“I’m serious,” he said. “For example, I will not take it personally when your mom starts talking about how much I need to cut my hair.”

 

 

Theon burst into laughter that turned into a hacking cough.

 

 

“Fine!” he said gaining control over his lungs. “I will not tell Robin Arryn he is “pretty fly for a white guy” or ask him how his pussy game is going.”

 

 

Robb grumbled “How many times do I have to yell at you about that?”

 

 

“Now you Robb,” Gendry interrupted before the fight started.

 

 

Robb drained his glass and shook it at Sandor for a refill.

 

 

“I will not change the subject when my mother starts talking about Roslin’s baby,” he replied.

 

 

Sandor put a full drink in front of Robb and paused in thought before an evil smile crossed his face; “I’m not going to roll Arya Stark up in a rug and throw her into the Trident for giving my children Sevenmas presents that encouraged property destruction and made loud annoying noises!”

 

 

Arya snickered, “Did they like those light up swords?”

 

 

“That’s not the point,” he growled. “Elinor busted Catie’s lip and Sandy broke a lamp.”

 

 

Arya shrugged. “My resolution is to get through the day without vomiting!” she declared before Sandor could lay into her. She drained the last of her drink then went to go see about sneaking some bacon from the kitchen before Jojen could eat it all.

 

 

She found her mother ordering the younger people in the house around the kitchen with the subtlety and care of a Drill Sargent.

 

 

Catelyn fixed her daughter with a stern look before she even reached the oven.

 

 

“I haven’t seen that dress in a while,” her mother observed. “But I’m glad you changed into something more acceptable. I can’t believe you and your brother are so hungover! You both knew I wanted you here and yet you went out drinking like a bunch of hoodlums!” She signed dramatically before handing Shireen a platter of various melon slices artfully arranged.  “How dare you after that foolishness you pulled on Sevenmas Eve!”

 

 

Arya’s jaw dropped. Suddenly Sansa reappeared from the dining room where she had been setting the table.

 

 

“You promised to cover for me!” she hissed at her sister. Sansa blushed beet red.

 

 

Arya turned to her mother and exacted her revenge; “Hey mom! Did you know Sansa met Sandor when she was in Lys? You know that trip where she told you and dad she was studying the “hospitality industry” overseas? As I recall, she told me she was putting those high school gymnastic skills to use by doing an aerial silk routine over the bar in a night club know for it's burlesque shows. They met when she did a private show for Sandor and his friends.”

 

 

Sansa’s face was worth the flashes of hangover pain behind her eyes when Arya laughed.

 

 

“Of course I knew that,” Catelyn said putting her hands on her hips. “But that still doesn’t excuse your inebriated state. Or the fact your car is in the driveway and I know Gendry can’t drive stick. What were you thinking driving here? You could have called your father and we would have fetched you, Gendry, Robb and Theon! Seriously Arya, sometimes you don’t have the wits the gods gave a toad!”

 

 

Arya stood with her mouth hanging open like a fish on dry land. “You knew Sansa met her husband when she was hanging barely clothed over a bar in the skeeziest city in the world?”

 

 

Their mother shoved a platter of crescent rolls into Sansa’s stunned hands and pointed her out of the kitchen.

 

 

“Of course I did!” Catlyn proclaimed untying her apron and hanging it on a hook by the pantry. “Your sister’s old laptop went to Rickon when he got back from military school and she forgot to wipe the hard drive. Those pictures, your poor father’s face, I told him to just reinstall the operating system not go rooting around in those files like a pig sniffing out truffles.”

 

 

Her mother sighed and rubbed her forehead; “I have no problem overlooking the nefarious beginning to their relationship because they are happy and have given me what will probably be my only grandchildren for many years. That is unless Asha Greyjoy is willing to have one clinically with Robb.”

 

 

Arya’s eyes bugged out of her head. “So you know about Robb and Theon? That Robb is-“

 

 

“Oh please,” her mother snapped. “I’m his mother, I knew before he did.”

 

 

She shoved a bowl of fruit salad into Arya hands and motioned her out of the kitchen.

 

 

“Go put that on the table. Then get your Aunt Lysa and tell her the brunch she insisted on having but did nothing to help with is done if she would like to join us!” her mother called to her retreating back.

 

 

Arya found her Aunt Lysa and her boyfriend Petyr Baelish sitting in front of the fire place in the living room. Arya never knew what to make of her Aunt Lysa; she married a guy who was almost thirty years her senior at the behest of her father, had a kid with him, then after he died started dating a man who looked like he should be tying a damsel to the railroad tracks in a silent movie.

 

 

Arya didn’t care for her cousin Robin either; the boy was Bran’s age but seemed so much younger because his mother smothered him. As a result he rebelled in small ways like never cutting his hair and trying to get Jojen to sell him weed (he couldn’t smoke it due to his asthma and Jojen knew better than to cross Aunt Lysa so he told Robin to piss off when he asked).

 

 

“Brunch is ready!” Arya called from the doorway and left to go sit down before they could trap her into a conversation.

 

 

Brunch turned out to be the weirdest meal she ever had with her family. This included the time Ygritte had almost dumped a plate of green beans in uncle Benjen’s lap when a conversation over the upcoming election got out of hand.

 

 

Sansa wouldn’t look at her. Her father settled into his usual dinner time behavior of shooting Sandor the shit eye (which made Arya unable to look at her father, knowing the origin of his hatred for his goodson). Robb was shoving hash browns covered in hot sauce in his mouth while hunching over his plate like someone was going to steal his food. Theon refused to take off his sunglasses and just drank coffee. Robin Arryn was refusing to eat, stating he was now vegan. Her mother was cutting her ham with such ferocity that her knife scraped the plate. To top it all off Aunt Lysa’s boyfriend, Petyr kept trying to start up conversations with Sansa while having a look on his face that screamed “I have lemon cakes and puppies in the back of my windowless panel van, climb on in!”. Arya briefly wondered if Sandor was going to make Baelish kiss his own ass in the driveway after this was all over.

 

 

The only people oblivious to the tension was the youngsters at the far end of the table. Bran’s wheelchair was parked next to Meera's chair and they were talking about something on Bran’s phone. Jojen was cracking jokes with Rickon while Shireen tried to make small talk with the pups.

 

 

“So what did you get for Sevenmas?” Arya heard her ask the girls.

 

 

Elinor replied with the poise and sophistication of someone four times her age; “We received the _The Pretty Pink Mini Highgarden Castle_ with real lights and plastic roses and new pageant dresses.”

 

 

“We also received swords that lit up and made noise from Aunt Arya,” added Catie. “But they broke while we were at dance class and father had to throw them out.”

 

 

Shireen smiled then asked; “So what did your parents get?”

 

 

“We got mother a new mixer and father got her a string of pearls,” Elinor replied while spooning melon onto her plate. “She also said she got fat.”

 

 

Shireen covered her mouth as she laughed.

 

 

“Father received a new hand weight set and a new printer. He said he also got fat,” said Sandy with all the wherewithal of a 4 year old.

 

 

Arya almost snorted scrambled eggs through her nose.

 

 

As she shoveled food into her system, Arya started to feel human again. She took a sip of coffee and felt her foggy brain clear.

 

 

She slipped her hand under the table and patted Gendry on the thigh. He raised his big blue eyes from his plate and smiled at her.

 

 

At least this was almost over and there would be no more surprises.

 

 

Suddenly Aunt Lysa tapped her fork against her water glass and stood.

 

 

“Everyone, we have an announcement! Last night Petyr proposed and I said yes!”

 

 

There was a moment when everyone froze as if she just told a very inappropriate joke. Then slowly everyone began to clap as enthusiastically as people already dreading the joyous event.

 

 

Suddenly the food Arya had consumed started revolting in her stomach. She covered her mouth as her recently drunk coffee burned up her throat and threatened to make a reappearance.

 

 

_Oh fuck this._

 

 

As soon as she could, she got to her feet and excused herself.

 

 

“Arya where are you going?” hissed Sansa under her breath.

 

 

“To break my resolution!” she called as she headed to the bathroom.


End file.
